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Tag Archives: humour

Skulltaliser Update!

8 May

Just an update to the Skulltaliser total so far today.

So, total raised for the pot is $12.94, we’re off at just over a tenth of the way there. Can we get there by the end of the month? I should hope so!

I’ll pop the Skulltaliser graphic in the top of the side bar and update it as it progresses. Stay tuned for more!

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All Hail the Skulltaliser!

6 May

Ok, if you have been reading this blog of late, you’ll be aware that I have a plan to pull in $99 to monetise this here blog, and before I reveal the Skulltaliser in it’s glory, I want to clarify a few things.

So, I’m probably not the best at putting what I mean across in the right way, and I think that some out there might have assumed that since this scheme is down to me not having a pot to piss in, and that I can’t afford $99, I’d like to put things straight. The reason I haven’t had the inclination to get this blog monetised before isn’t due to not affording it, nor is it due to my business model and plan being wrong, more to my own organisational skills and the way I prioritise things. I had and have every intention to pay up, I’m just tight (I’m from Yorkshire, it’s tradition!)

I have neglected this blog, and took the decision to not only stump up the cash to get the job done, but to spend some time blogging for once. As you might know, blogging takes time and effort, it can tax you mentally with things to blog about, and sometimes I don’t feel as though I have anything constructive to say or post that would be worth reading. Which is why I started the entire conversation.

The Grinning Skull, and by extension, myself also, must be seen as the tongue in cheek way I meant it, which maybe I should make clearer at times. This attitude can be taken as not intended, or I may seem as though I’m saying something else, but combine this with I brainfart and just blab out whatever is in my tiny mind. I do confuse, of which I am sorry for, but I can’t say that I entirely understand the ways of the internet.

My intent with these posts was to start a conversation about what if’s, you know, what if I did this, what if I did that etc etc… The experiment was to expand my knowledge of stuff I’m not familiar with, seeing if there are indeed some good ways of raising extra cash through means other than what I’m used to. I probably didn’t explain well enough, but, you know what the web is like, one statement can be interperated in many ways.

Since the whole subject was Monetisation, why not fund the monetisation with alternative methods? So if I confused you, sorry bout that! Can’t promise I won’t do it again, but my tendency is to babble shite, I am the Grinning Skull after all, you should expect it!!

Anyway,  I think that while the plan is a bit random, it could provide interesting an excercise into quick money making (and how effective it is) , and entertain along the way, which is my goal.

Without further ado, may I present to you, ladies and gents, boys and girls, the magnificent SKULLTALISER!!!

As you can see, the task I set out is to raise $100 (Well $99, but $100 seemed fitting) Starting at the base of this mountain of skulls, I’ll mark each significant time any money goes in the pot toward the total, and detail what (if any) methods were used to raise it. it’s an excercise in thinking outside the box, and while I can easily raise $99 from all sorts of tried and tested means if I really wanted, I want to try and use other methods that so called “Web experts” set out in blog posts and info sites, and see if these things are actually true.

This way, we can discover (if any) how much effort is needed from things such as Fiverr, or other methods along the way, and I’ll share the results. I’ll accept donations for the total (although I truly don’t expect them! But any such donors will be given a shout out and thanks) and other ideas you have if you want to share and explore. Maybe we’ll unlock some webby secrets,or hatch a cunning plan that’ll change the world! (well, not really)

I’ll keep you updated with the latest, and continue to explore more around this subject.

END TRANSMISSION!

 

 

The Semalt Saga, the next chapter…The sad tale of Andrew Trimchenko.

30 Dec

Mr Trimchenko

There once was a scammer called Trim(chenko),

Who sent a late email to our Grim,

He laughed at the traffic bout semalt,

Grim told em’ the trouble’s their fault,

And that he was a Ukrainian crim!!

Before I begin, I warn you who are easily offended by obscenity, foul language and crudity, it’s going to get worse, This apology is solely to my readers, and not those who are affiliated by Semalt (which can go fuck) I do try to keep it generally “clean” here, but if you know me personally, you’ll not be surprised at how much filth I spout on a daily basis. Please, dear reader, continue….

To be honest with you, with all the strife I’ve had this last half of the year, the subject of that annoying Semalt has been far from my mind, somewhat unimportant compared to real life. So, when I looked at my mail yesterday, I was surprised to find a reply to one of the countless emails I had sent to them in response of them attempting to make out that I was endorsing the site via a link on their blog. To be truthful, I had totally forgotten I’d sent it (I did attempt to spam them with loads of messages to take the piss, but to no avail) I did think that they’d disapeared up their own ass. Obviously, I was wrong.

When I opened it, I really was a bit miffed to say the least, partly down to being a bit pissed off already, and its contents (maybe I’m taking it the wrong way, their smug attitude tends to get me angry) but anyway, I’ll let you know what it said.

From Andrew Timchenko- Re: Knock Knock, who’s there?, Me, Me who? Remove my links from your sites. (Each email subject I sent had similar titles as I recall, I did start polite, I think, but since they kept ignoring me, I may as well have been writing “fuck fuck fuck etc etc” as they weren’t going to do as I asked)

Ha-ha
I see you have a lot of benefits from your semalt activity )))
(Here was an Alexa link to try and suggest that something like 30% of search engine traffic was semalt related, I’ve omitted it as I find that the data from Alexa is very sketchy regardless of how much I attempt to make sure it’s accurately represented, trust me I gave up a long time ago!)
 
Maybe you shouldn’t write about game industry and start your own blog about Semalt using our affiliate links.
Just think about it ))) 
Best regards,
Andrew Timchenko
Senior Sales Manager on Semalt

It might not seem too bad, but personally I think its taking the piss (British slang for “adding insult to injury” etc)

Why? well to start with it’s a reply to a message sent beards ago, that still as far as I know, they didn’t bother with until now. Secondly, Ha ha? what do you fucking mean, Ha ha? Hey Timchenko, you frigging prick, you think your funny do you? it just shows your smugness and dickish attitude to users of the web, who have been affected by your shady shitmalt site. Showing me a tenuous half arsed link to justify your “funny” just shows how much of a spaz you are. Do you think I give a shit? You obviously sent this to me to piss me off, or am I mistaking your attempt at humor for some truly wonderful beneficial advice? Are you listening Andy? I know you are, you know full well that everything you send me relating to this saga, will be published, satirised, and lampooned. I truly do not give a flying fuck, you Ukrainian knobsack. The reason I’m annoyed, is not that I’m insulted by your feeble humor, it’s like a stupid child yapping on about crap before someone kicks the shit out of them.

What do you think it would achieve? You really must enjoy making yourself and semalt look even bigger cunts than everyone thinks already. I’m not saying that I’m a comedy genius, but pleeeaase Bitch, I’m British, our entire culture is based on sarcasm and humorous observation because the place we live is constantly crappy (Well, I’m talking about the weather, you probably live in fear of Russian troops breaking into your house and fucking you up the ass! (or perhaps you secretly long for it, you dirty sovblok fucker!)

Yes, of course I could take your grand advice and stop blogging about the game industry (guess what asswipe, I tend to blog about what so ever I feel like, have you realised that a good proportion here is just random gubbins? No, your too busy wanking off (to be clear, wanking means masturbation if you don’t understand) to your pictures of Vladimir Putin. I’ll stop writing about the games industry, when you go and rub your bell end on a cheese grater. I couldn’t ever imagine writing anything that supports your corrupt and scamming piece of web diarrhoea. You may not understand that not everyone is obsessed with ripping people off, or fucking them over for your magnum opus later on. I do what I do not only for my own promotion, but for fun. You must think that your so professional with your stupid message? Or is it that you are genuinely trying to get me on side? Either way it’s retarded (but hey, I always thought you looked a little spong eyed, no wonder your master plan bit the big time)

On second thoughts, I reckon the only way I’d succumb to your side would be if the lovely Natalia to come over here and discuss the virtues and benefits of joining your side. I imagine her seductively draped over satin sheets, wearing nothing but a fur coat, urging me to join her in a warm embrace all James Bond style. Oh I can assure you that I’d be giving her something better shaken, but not stirred (and with lashings of my very own Semalt from my loins!) A night with me, she’d be walking like john Wayne for ages after, make no mistake! It’s been suggested that the lovely Natalia could in fact be a robot (adding more to the Bondish mystery to her) but hey, in all honesty, even if she was a robot, I’d still give her one!! (well, several in fact) Maybe if you want a more civilised response out of me in future, get her to message me instead of you, shit for brains. Ask her if she’d like me to skype her? Hell yeah, I’d do her in every way I can think (and trust me I’d make shit up for the occasion) I was actually under the impression that she was involved with one of you ugly freaks? Is that true? Pity, cause I’ve seen pictures of the male staff there and you look like a right set of mongos. Natalia, Babe, if your reading this, come and see me sometime and I’ll show you it’s not just the upper lip that is stiff with us Brits!!

What really puzzles me is that, I didn’t plan on even mentioning Semalt again, I thought it had crawled away to die alone in the woods, mortally wounded by russian snipers. You just had to bring up your hilarious laugh a minute quip about my semalt related traffic! What you fail to get, is that yes Semalt did bring me traffic, but only from concerned webmasters and bloggers, not from endorsements praising you on the greatest SEO pointless corporate, and souless abortion of this type of site the world has ever seen. You really need to stop fucking around with those discarded guns from your civil war/invasion, because you just keep shooting yourself in the foot, again and again. Try pointing it at your head next time and spare me your sub par efforts in stand up comedy. Every time you bring Semalt to my attention, your going to do more damage than good. It’s actually funny you suggested making a blog about Semalt, as there’s plenty of posts on here that give you an idea of what the articles would be like, all piss and vinegar!

Why the fuck do you think that after all the negative publicity that you are even taken seriously? A simple google search for semalt reveals not just my past derogatory posts, but countless top tech security sites, warning of your dodginess. Now, you’ve just shot back up to the search listings with my latest critique, no doubt it’ll raise a few laughs and chortles in professional circles of the SEO world, at just how inferior Semalt is. You might argue that this site is nothing and purile, all but a childish effort, but I genuinely don’t care, this is an extension of me and my psyche.(Yes, I’m generally childish and purile, so it makes sense) I think that you must enjoy trying to goad me, your like a perv that sticks drawing pins in his scrotum for fun. Dirty boy!

You just give me something funny to write about every time, and my readers seem to like it too.

Remember all the times you blocked us from posting our opinions on your various outlets, time and time again we were censored in case perspective semalt users would be turned off by what we had to say. A typical Sovblok tactic isn’t it?, but just remember sites just like this and many others are not restricted and gagged. We will always speak our minds and there’s fuck all you can do about it.

Have a crappy new year, Andy.

On another note, I’m rather looking forward to the next feeble effort they send to me, I guess I’m going to have to face facts… The Grinning Skull is now at war with semalt. Lets hope they send the organ grinder to the front next time rather than one of the monkeys. Although, Natalia or the other tasty blonde are more than welcome to come and spank my very own monkey if the so desire, or even grind my organ! Up for a double team girls? (Not the other one with the fat round face though, shes a bit of a minger, don’t you think?)

So, I issue this challenge, How do ya like them apples? Is that your best effort?

Tune in next time for the next exciting episode of The Grinning Skull.

Will Andrew overcome his fear of clown rape? Will Nat and Grim make sweet music together? Will the master plan of semalt’s ruling dark circle be revealed?

Find out next time……..

 

Deck the Halls with loads of zombies! 2000/1 odds on for an undead Christmas!

6 Dec
Zombies as portrayed in the movie Night of the...

Zombies as portrayed in the movie Night of the Living Dead (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, the Ladbrokes betting people have done it again, and are offering odds of 2000/1 of a festive zombie apocolypse!

That’s right,  if the dead start to rise at chrimbo, you can be sure of netting a big win, although if that’s the case you’d be hard pressed to even cash it in or spend it for that matter! It really makes you think of those out there that possibly will shell out a few quid on having a bet on this, and even so it’s meant to be a joke (like a previous years odds offered as part of a promo for dead island) there willbe some poor sap taking them up on the offer!

In reality, we are more likely to get invaded by aliens or WW3 (not WWZ), but with the trend of zombies popularised by The Walking Dead and other media, I imagine we’ll be seeing more and more crazy zombie related promotions and so forth.

They’ll be offering odds on clown sightings next!

http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/04/ladbrokes-offers-20001-odds-for-zombie-apocalypse-to-happen-on-christmas-day-4214077/

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Ooooow, you cheeky Starblazer you!

9 Jul

DSCF2689

I recently managed to get hold of a bundle of vintage “Starblazer” comics to help inspire me with a bit of retro sci-fi for my projects. I did bag them at a pretty good price, considering that I see them about individually for up to £3 a piece, 15 for just over a fiver is a steal! I thought they were in decent condition, until I took a look through PLANET OF FEAR

DSCF2690

Typical 80’s schoolboy humour!

As you can see on page 33 of the issue, someone back in the day has drawn on a huge set of cock and balls on one of the main characters in the story! Not only that, there’s a speech bubble with the phrase “Suck it Creep!” too, no doubt pertaining to his endowment!

DSCF2691

Over on the previous page, there’s also a bit more defacement in the book, again with the usual cock and balls (Always it seems with the cock and balls!)

I think a lot of comic collectors would be aghast, but not me. This kind of antic just went on more to remind me of the 80’s, when I was actually reading Starblazer, 2000AD and Spiderman etc! We used to do exactly the same as this, defacing everything from comics, to library and text books! All in the vain attempt to make each other snigger and laugh at school!

I’m pretty sure there will be no value to this copy anymore, but that’s fine, it gave me a good laugh when I read it, as well as a great nostalgia buzz!

Peace out…..

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