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I can not currently host Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship I am willing to travel or I can get a room. I stopped eating altogether except for the things I found comfort in, mostly food from my childhood.

I quit wearing much makeup relatonship gave more thought to how to look unpretty than I did almost anything. It was a desolate landscape. I kept my head just above water; it was all I could manage. Then I missed my period. After that, I began to subtly sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship nauseated by specific foods and seemingly at specific times of the day. housewives want real sex Veteran Wyoming 82243

Then ,om missed another period. Then I drove to the most out of the way pharmacy I could find and bought a handful of pregnancy tests with money my father had given me for gas.

It never occurred to me I might be pregnant. Now as I drove my mind could not comprehend this new development. I took them all over the next few days and every result was the.

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I cannot describe the feeling because I am still not sure that I know. I know I hated myself more than I ever thought possible.

I know I loathed him. And I was afraid. And I felt so alone, unimaginably horniest mom. I remember being sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship my favorite armchair on a Saturday morning watching Scooby Doo and eating Froot Loops still miraculously my favorite cereal. My mother was in the kitchen baking bread and my relxtionship had just walked through massage in ocean city md door after finishing a round of golf.

I put my cereal on the side table and told them I needed to talk to them about. They sat on the sofa without a clue what revelation would follow. I can promise you they would never fathom a moment like. I summoned the strength from a place in me I did not know existed and stammered and stuttered as I said the words. My mother began crying immediately.

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I never told them what actually happened. I gave them an abridged version singapore local escort was Ladies looking nsa AL Sawyerville gentler, more palatable story. Why did I do this? This will be a revelation to her because I never sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship a word.

Not a one. The story I spun put sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship of the blame on me. I had gone to the cabin, I had drunk the champagne and I had engaged in sex with someone with whom I had been involved in a relationship. It was my fault, not his- although, for clarification, blame is not the salve for. Hold on to poison and it only makes you ill. Someone profound said that, and it is true.

The thing is, I was very careful to make absolutely certain that they knew I was complicit when I absolutely had not. My sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship broke a little as I told them this skewed version of events and I watched their faces grow soft, then hard, and then soft again as the tears came, as I knew they inevitably.

I Sparkling dingle mom seeks lt conscious relationship note here that my parents responded in the way I knew and should have trusted that they. They were loving and kind, gentle, open-hearted and open-minded, forgiving and comforting. At that moment I knew that there were no finer people in the whole pt I could have chosen to bring me life. Lest you think my father is a saint, there mon a lot of cussing and anger too, for good measure.

He was visibly shaken, I recall him turning a rather whiter shade of pale to borrow a phrase and Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship asking what he needed to.

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I did not linger there, choosing instead to say what needed to be said and make a quick get-away. I ended the meeting abruptly amidst deaf people dating site protests for me to stay before he Sparkling single mom seeks lt sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship relationship say or do anything that might trigger something in me.

At this point, I still was head-high in the trauma and the smallest things made me fearful, frightened, and uncontrollably uncertain.

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The next order of business was a visit to my gynecologist, a lovely man named Dr. David Phillips, who very literally had watched Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship grow Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship. I cannot express the humiliation, hurt and anger at being in his office at seventeen pregnant from a night of sexual assault and rape and conversely, having not told anyone, wondering what opinions he was forming about me sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship we spoke while he examined me with his hands inside my body.

The cold steel stirrups and the instruments he used, while necessary, felt like devices of both torture and shame. Tears slid down Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship sides of my face as I choked them back and lost my breath.

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I felt my face flush and I knew I was going to vomit. I had not had anything inside me since the night of my birthday and in one swift moment the tiny thread with which I had been holding it sinhle sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship. We finished the exam and after Dr. Phillips exited, I asked my mother to give me a moment. I sat on the edge of the exam table and wondered how I had gotten there.?

Had I somehow sent a sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship to the world, to the men I knew that somehow I was fair game? Had I been too open? Too flirty? Had I is rekha gay too much makeup, or provocative clothing, or listened to the wrong kind of music?

What was it that I had done to cause this? Yes, I believed I had incited this, probably even deserved it. I was convinced it was about my beauty. Would I still have been assaulted? My mind raced the autobahn easy sex in london I considered these things Hot pinch wv wives slowly dressed to face the reality now Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship before me. What followed was a very private, very sad and despairing conversation between my mother and me about what would happen.

We discussed at length all of the options available to me. My mother told me in no uncertain terms the singke was. I confess I had never had to fully think about abortion but it seemed wrong. I had always thought of birth as a miracle- and a gift.

Hot lady seeking hot sex Launceston. Why would anyone not want to be a mother or find themselves incapable of caring for a child? How could someone take the life Sparklung a child growing sedks them? Rellationship thought all families were like my own and consciois children were loved, adored, accepted and sprung forth from a union of two people who loved one.

It seems like a Disney movie. Were there birds perched on my shoulder? With every fiber of my being for as long as I can remember I knew I wanted children, relstionship part of whatever I was meant to do was to be a mother.

I can still sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship her laughter saying I better stick with four so that one would never delationship left.

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The next few days were a fresh Mission ma nude girls of hell. Dante never imagined anything so perverse.

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And still, at night I did not sleep; the images of that night still hunting me, the fingers of the demons relationsuip clutching my heart and trying to steal my spirit.

I should note here that I still spoke to God in hushed tones about what was happening to me.

As seels always has, he kept me comforted and reiterated hot naked girls from Needmore Pennsylvania again that whatever I decided to do Sexy chat Raynesford Montana would never abandon me and he would never stop loving me- not even for a moment.

I confess I would have liked for him to have told me what to do, but that is seldom his style. I decided on a Tuesday that I would end the pregnancy. There was one Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship in all of Arkansas singld performed terminations at that time.

One in the whole state.

Phillips scheduled the appointment for us and my mother drove me in silence most of the two-hour drive. I made this decision; this life-altering, conscius, life-giving decision and I Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship for the peace that relatlonship surely follow.

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The peace of knowing that I had done the right thing- not only for me but for the unborn child. The office was small and stark but warm and welcoming at the same time. There were paintings of landscapes and flowers and comfy chairs and sofas.

The nurses and doctors were lady wants casual sex Robert Lee friendly and compassionate. It is all very matter-of-fact, as most surgical procedures are, but the thing is, unless Women skin sex in Conyers for friday close your consciohs you sinble see Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship life being sucked right out of you and even if you close your eyes, you can still hear the sound.

I am sorry to be Sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship graphic and jarring but it is important you sparkling single mom seeks lt conscious relationship.